We all have those friends who jump
from relationship to relationship, and each time, they are “totally and
completely in love.”
For those of us who have been single
longer than two of their relationships combined, we can’t help but wonder how
someone can possibly be “in love” with all these people.
I mean, come on. It’s not love. It’s
fear of being alone. Right?
Yes. And no. I mean we can’t
calculate love any more than we can election polls or Miley’s next erotic
exorcism. It’s just something you get a feeling about.
But what if your feeling is wrong?
What if you’re just so damn scared of being alone that anyone who comes close
to making you feel safe and secure feels like your soulmate?
You know those relationships you got
out of, and after a few months, you couldn’t believe you ever said those three
beautiful words to someone you wouldn’t want to be seen with today? How could
you love someone so grotesque? Someone so not your type? Someone so shallow?
Well, it’s usually because it wasn’t
love. It was attachment.
I have no real insight
in knowing if your love is real or if it’s just insecurity masked in AXE
body spray, but I can give you some general pointers. They’re the kind of
pointers to show your friend because she’s becoming way too attached to that
douchebag you thought for sure would be a one-night stand.
Because you don’t want to attend a
wedding where the only thing the bride has to say about the groom is that “he’s
always there.” And if you’re not sure about your own love motives, take a look
at the list to decipher if what you’re doing is worth all the time invested.
Love
is passionate; attachment is apathetic
They say the closest feeling to love
is hate, hence why after you break up with someone, all that beautiful,
selfless love turns into raging, passionate, inexplicable hate.
When you’re just attached to
someone, however, you never really get that rage. You get paranoia, anxiety and
moments of irritation, but you don’t let those anxious feelings confuse you for
something as beautiful and important as real hate.
Love
is selfless; attachment is self-centered
When you’re in love, it’s all about
the other person. For the first time in your life, you want to put someone
else’s needs before your own.
When it’s just attachment, you just
want someone to be there before you. You’re not looking out for him or her —
you’re looking out for you.
The only reason you’re buying this
person new bedding from Bed Bath & Beyond is so you don’t have to sleep
alone anymore. Everything you do for your partner is a little bit about you.
Love
is hard; attachment is only difficult when you’re apart
Real love is never easy. You’d think
it would be because it’s so pure and beautiful, but anything that intense and
life-changing takes work. You must foster it and keep it nourished.
With attachment, there’s nothing to
grow and feed; it’s just about how many times you can see each other in a week.
You need this person the same way
you need a fix. It’s not growing, blooming or changing into another dimension.
Like any drug, the high is not long-term, and you will come down.
Love
is freeing; attachment is possessive
When you’re in love, you don’t need
to see the person to feel safe. You don’t need to be with this person to
understand how he or she feels. You never wonder about your love’s affection
and never get jealous.
When it’s just attachment, you never
have a true hold on your partner’s feelings because the only time you feel safe
is when you’re with him or her. When you’re apart, you can’t help but wonder
what, or who, he or she is doing.
If they’re also just attached,
doesn’t that mean they need someone to attach to?
Love
is empowering; attachment is all about power
There’s nothing like real love to
make you feel like you can do anything. It gives you a new sense of freedom, a
rejuvenated energy. You’re alive and ready to take on the world.
When it’s just an attachment, it
becomes a power struggle. You want to make sure you’re the one in the
relationship who doesn’t get left. You’re the one calling the shots, and you’re
the one with the key to the handcuffs.
Love
is timeless; attachment is timed
When you’re in love — and I mean
really in love — that’s it. Whether it works out or not, this person will
always be the love of your life.
Attachment doesn’t work like that.
Attachment is always on a deadline, always on standby. Attachment isn’t real —
it’s like a limbo for real love.
One of these days, one of you is
going to find that real love and all that attachment you placed on each other
will fall off as quickly as you put it on.
Real love doesn’t fall off; it stays
with you forever.
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